You know when you have one of those moments where you are absolutely conscious of it being “one of those moments”. Like screaming with your best friend while simultaneously trying to kill a people eating cockroach, and then hysterically laughing about how ridiculous it was for a solid 20 minutes afterward. A moment where in that instant, you are laughing, and fully aware of how special that exact moment of your life is. That it’s a gleaming, beautiful stitch woven in to the tapestry of your life, so when you have other moments, like the moments that you’re thinking about how hard and complicated everything is, you can just reach back out to that one moment that was woven in to help you remember that life is full of good. It’s rare when you get to be aware of the beauty of the moment, and cherish it exactly then, rather than missing it later. I want more of these because they always leave this feeling in your heart that life is so full and beautiful, and to never ever let the dark eclipse the light. The light, the laughter, is always near, hovering right below the surface just waiting to explode to the top, to give joy. Don’t let the moments of dark eclipse the light.
I wrote this a little over a year ago. Ellyn and I found a giant cockroach in our tiny kitchen, and both screamed bloody murder, then laughed about it afterward for an irrational amount of time. I am the proud killer of bugs in our relationship (while Ellyn firmly holds down the specification of handy man), so the fact that we were both screaming like we had an ax murderer chasing after us made it completely hysterical. While we were screaming and laughing and continuing to laugh, I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it was in that moment to laugh, and feel joy, and be aware of what a good moment it was. I spent the year before trying to part ways with my ex boyfriend, only a year later to reunite and then try to evaluate every aspect of our relationship. I was entering into a season of intense emotional stress that made me hyper aware of any time I was having a lighthearted and joyful moment because everything else felt so heavy. I’m glad I didn’t miss this one and the goodness of just laughing at nothing with my best friend until our faces hurt.
I was looking through my computer tonight, of all nights when I’ve spent so much of the week thinking along the more negative line of things, and how unfair life can be. I’m thankful I wrote it down to remind me that the dark moments will phase by. My life isn’t woven together by those moments, but by moments like these. Moments of laughter and joy and incandescent happiness. This little thing I wrote down one night a year ago serves as such a good reminder that there is joy behind, and joy ahead. There isn’t a hard time that is going to last forever.